Dumb Naruto
by Brennerdee
Summary: A series of Dumb blonde jokes transformed into 'Dumb Naruto', enjoy.
1. We'll go at night!

**Dumb Naruto**

**Naruto, Gaara and Kiba climb a mountain every morning and have lunch.**

**Gaara: **(opens lunch) "Dammit, if I get a sandwich one more time I'll kill myself."

**Kiba: **(opens lunch) "If I get frozen pizza one more time _I'll_ kill myself."

**Naruto: **(opens lunch) "If I get Ramen one more time I'll kill myself."

_**Next Day…**_

**Gaara: **(opens lunch) (jumps off mountain)

**Kiba: **(opens lunch) (follows suit)

**Naruto: **(opens lunch) (follows suit)

**_At the funeral…_**

**Kai&Kira: **(Crying) (look at Hinata) "Aren't you sad that you're the reason Naruto's dead?"

**Hinata: **"Naruto made his own lunch."

* * *

**Gaara, Kiba and Naruto are running away from the ANBU.**

**Gaara: **(hides behind a cow) (ANBU come by) "Moo, Moo."

**Kiba: **(Hides behind a horse) (ANBU come by) "Nay, Nay."

**Naruto: **(Hides behind a haystack) (ANBU come by) "Haystack, Haystack."

* * *

**Naruto invited Hinata over to do a puzzle with him.**

**Hinata: **"What's the puzzle of?"

**Naruto: **(valley girl tone) "It's of a tiger."

**Hinata: **(walks over to counter) (sighs) "Naruto, there's no tiger here, you can put the cereal back in the box."

* * *

**Naruto and Ino living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking.**

**Ino:** "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"

**Naruto:** (turns) "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"

* * *

**Naruto pushes his car up to Shikamaru's house.**

**Naruto: **"My car died."

_**A few minutes later…**_

**Naruto: **(car works great) "What's the story?"

**Shikamaru: **"Just crap in the carburetor."

**Naruto: **"How often do I have to do that?"

* * *

**Naruto walked into the Suna hospital with a new dye job (no one recognized him)**

**Naruto:** "Everywhere I touch, it hurts."

**Doctor:** "Impossible! Show me."

**Naruto:** (touches his arm) "AHHH!" (Touches his shoulder) "AHHHH!" (Pokes knee) "AHHH!"

**Doctor:** "Your not a natural red-head, are you?"

**Naruto:** "No, I'm a blonde."

**Doctor:** "thought so, your finger's broken."

* * *

**A Highway patrol man pulled along side a speeding car.**

**Highway Patrol man: **(looks over) (sees a blonde knitting) (Takes out bullhorn) "PULL OVER"

**Naruto: **"No! It's a scarf!"

* * *

**A rock-ninja, a mist-ninja and Naruto are sitting around talking.**

**Deidara:** "We were the first in Space!"

**Zabuza:** "So?! We were the first on the moon!"

**Naruto:** "SO?! We're gonna be first on the sun!"

**Deidara & Zabuza: **(look at each other) "Idiot! You can't land on the sun! You'll burn up!"

**Naruto: **"We're not stupid! We'll go at night!"

* * *

**The rookie nine are playing Trivial pursuit one night.**

**Naruto: **(Rolls dice) (gets 'Nature & Science)

**Q: **_"If you were in a vacuum and someone call your name, will you hear it?"_

**Naruto: **"Is it on or off?"

* * *

**Ino is walking down when she sees Naruto on the other side of the river.**

**Ino:** "Yoo-hoo! How can I get to the other side?"

**Naruto:** (looks up and down the river) "You are on the other side!"

* * *

**Sasuke was visiting Naruto when he saw he had gotten two new dogs.**

**Sasuke: **"What're they're names?"

**Naruto: **"Timex and Rolex."

**Sasuke: **"Why would you name you're dog's that?"

**Naruto: **"Helloooooooooo? They're watch dogs."

**END**

Don't ask, I just felt the incredible urge to write this. Kira and I were telling each other dumb blonde jokes and we decided to make it for Naruto since he's so dumb. Not my best but, hey, it's something.

**NOTE TO BLONDES: **I hope you do not take offense to this, it was meant to mean to Naruto (not that we don't like him) not to all blondes, just him.


	2. Open mike

**Dumb Naruto: continued**

**Sasuke: **"Did you hear about when Naruto attempted to drive to Euro Disney?"

**Shikamaru:** "Yeah, He saw a sign saying: _"Euro Disney Left"_ so he went home."

**Naruto:** (sitting in the crowd) (sarcastically) "Hahahaha."

* * *

**Kiba:** "Why did Naruto have tire tread marks on his back?"

**Shino:** "From crawling across the street when the pedestrian sign said 'DON'T WALK'."

* * *

**Neji: **"What Naruto do to try and kill his pet bird?"

**Sakura: **"He threw it off a cliff."

* * *

**Sasuke: **"Naruto and Hinata were asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. Naruto picked up the telephone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. Hinata said, "Who was that?" Naruto said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear.'"

**Hinata:** (sitting in the crowd next to Naruto giggled slightly)

* * *

**Sakura: **"Naruto decides one day that he is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so he decides to show Hinata that blondes really are smart and capable by painting a couple of rooms in the house.  
The next day, right after Hinata leaves for work, He buys paint and rollers and gets down to the task at hand.  
Hinata arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive odor of fresh paint. She walks into the living room and finds Naruto lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. She notices that he is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.  
She goes over and asks him if he's is OK. He replies "yes."  
She asks what he is doing. He replies that he wanted to prove to her that not all blondes are dumb and he wanted to do it by painting the house by himself.  
She then asks him why he has a ski jacket over his fur coat.  
He replies that he read the directions on the paint can and they said...

'FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.'"

* * *

**Kiba: **"Once upon a time, Naruto became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that he had his hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as he was driving around the countryside, he stopped his car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, he said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"  
The shepherd replied, "Of course."  
Naruto thought for a moment and for no discernible reason said, "352."  
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably totally amazed and exclaimed, "You're right. Okay. I will keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."  
Naruto carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked one that was by far cuter and more playful then the others.  
When he was done, the shepherd turned to him and said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"

* * *

**Iruka:** Naruto reported for his final examination that consists of "yes/no" type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration removes a coin from his pocket and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.

**Ibiki:** "What's going on?"

**Naruto: **"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."

* * *

**Shino: **Naruto was bragging about his knowledge of state capitals.

Naruto says:"Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

So Shikamaru asks:"OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

Naruto answers:"Oh that's easy: W."

* * *

**Zabuza:** "Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?"

**Haku:** "Because it said "Concentrate."

* * *

_**(Here's a special one dedicated to Ino)**_

**Neji: **A plane is on its way to Montreal when Ino in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells Ino that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back.

**Ino:** "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!"

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blonde sitting in First Class who belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

**Ino:** "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Montreal and I'm staying right here!"

The copilot tells the pilot (Hinata) that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

**Hinata:** "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak 'blonde'!"

She goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry" . . . gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.

The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked her what she said make her move without any fuss.

**Hinata:** "I told her First Class isn't going to Montreal."

* * *

**Iruka: **(gets up on stage) "Now here's Gaara and Shino with Dumb Naruto one-liners!"

**Gaara: **"He sent me a fax with a stamp on it."

**Shino: **"He thought a quarterback was a refund."

**Gaara:** "He tripped over the cordless phone."

**Shino: **"He told someone to meet him at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk"."

**Gaara:** "He took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept."

**Shino: **"At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", he wrote Libra."

**Gaara: **"If he spoke his mind, he'd be speechless."

**Shino:** "He got an AM radio. It took him 9 months to figure out that he could use it at night."

* * *

**Iruka: **"Now we have Itachi and Kisame telling, Q & A jokes!"

**Kisame:** "How do you make Naruto laugh on Saturday?"  
**Itachi:** "Tell him a joke on Wednesday."

**Kisame:** "What do twenty Naruto's standing ear to ear make?"  
**Itachi:** "A wind tunnel."

**Kisame:** "How does Naruto try to kill a fish?"  
**Itachi:** "He drowns it."

**Kisame:** "What do you call 20 Naruto's in a freezer?"  
**Itachi:** "Frosted Flakes."

**Kisame:** "What do you do if Naruto throws a grenade at you?"  
**Itachi:** "Pull the pin and throw it back."

**Kisame:** "What does Naruto say when you ask him what the last two words of the national anthem are?"  
**Itachi:** "Play ball!"

**Kisame:** "How do you drown Naruto?"  
**Itachi:** "Put a scratch 'n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool."

* * *

_**(Another joke for Ino)**_

A police officer stops Ino for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

**Ino:** "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

* * *

**Hinata:** (steps up to the mike) "How do you keep Naruto entertained?"

**Hinata:** (paused for a minute) "Write 'turn over' on both sides of the paper."

* * *

By the end, everyone in the room was laughing hysterically, except Ino and Naruto. As everyone was laughing, Naruto and Ino had started a conversation.

**Ino:** "My computer's busted."

**Naruto:** "Really? How?"

**Ino:** "It keeps saying 'You've got mail' but each time I look in the mail box, nothing was there!"

**Naruto:** (gasps) "Me too! And you know what else? I bought this new cordless phone and I keep tripping over it!"

**END**

Okay, I know the last thing Naruto said was stupid, but, what the heck.

**Disclaimer:** Naruto Character's belong to Masashi Kishimoto and the dumb blonde jokes were found on websites from google.

**BONUS JOKES**

**Q:** How many Naruto's does it take to change a light bulb?  
**A:** 3, one to get the light bulb, one to get a ladder and one to get Hinata.

Things Naruto's invented:  
-Solar powered flashlight  
-Dehydrated water  
-Fire proof matches

**I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS!**


	3. artificial intelligence

**Dumb Naruto: part 3**

A blind man walks into a ninja pub. Finding his way to the counter, he turns to the patrons next to him, "hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"

Naruto, behind the counter, puts down his cup, "Ino next to you is blonde and so is her father, the missing-nin Deidara behind you is blonde, I'm blonde and the Hokage of this village is blonde! Are you sure you want to tell that joke?"

The blind man stared blankly and said, "Not if I have to retell it five times."

Hinata and the girls were all hanging out having a normal 'girl's night' at Sakura's house. All are reminiscing about things their boyfriends have done.

Hinata, between tears of laughter, started her own story, "This one time, I come into the bathroom to see Naruto tip-toeing past the medicine cabinet, and when I asked him what he was doing, he said he didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!"

Naruto was talking to Kiba one day when he said, "You know what I'd name my pet Zebra if I had one?" 

"What?"

"Spot."

Sakura was curious so she asked Hinata, "Hey, why isn't Naruto allowed to put in light bulbs anymore?"

Hinata sighed, "He kept breaking them with the hammer."

Tsunade barged into her office, severely pissed, "Shizune! Naruto is never allowed to use the computer again!"

Startle, Shizune stared at Tsunade, "How do you know it was him?"

"There's white out on the screen."

Neji and Sasuke were brooding together, as was usual, when a thought struck Sasuke, "Hey Neji, what's the difference between a computer and Naruto?"

Neji thought for a minute before giving up, "What?"

"You only have to punch information into a computer once."

Shikamaru agreed to paint Ino's house for her after she threatened him. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. He wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" As they moved onto the second room, she told him she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" Ino was somewhat curious but didn't mention it. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. Shikamaru wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

Ino finally asked, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"  
"I'm sorry," He replied. "But I have a Naruto and his dopple gangers laying sod across the street."

"Hey Ten Ten, what would you say if I died my hair brunette?" Ino asked one day.

Ten Ten paused for a minute, "Artificial intelligence."

"Hey Naruto, is your blinker working?" Sasuke asked, bored.

"Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no…"

As Ino walked ahead of them after a particularly nasty argument, Shikamaru turned to Choji, "What's the difference between Ino and a supermarket trolley?"

Choji thought a minute, "what?"

"A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own."

END!

AN: Holy moly! I haven't updated this in…2 years and 6 months! It's a little bit sad, this is my most popular story, and I personally don't even think it's that good. Oh well, who am I to question the reviewers? Sorry this is so short and if it's not as funny as it used to be, you would not _believe___how hard it was to find any appropriate and funny blonde jokes! Well, tell me what you tink!

If anyone can suggest any good blonde jokes that I haven't used, maybe it'll appear in the next chapter! If there is a next chapter.


End file.
